When I launched this newsletter, I mentioned I was contemplating launching a podcast here too. Y’all were into it. Turns out you, like me, missed How to Save a Planet. (RIP 😢) So... welcome to:
WHAT IF WE GET IT RIGHT?, the podcast!
Cast of the Brooklyn book launch, aka Climate Variety Show — the subject of episode 1! (Photo: Kisha Bari)
PODCAST CONCEPT (of a plan): Continue exploring answers to the big (huge!) question “What if we get it right?”, beyond what’s in the (New York Times bestselling!!! 😮) book.
VIBE: Take climate seriously, but don't take yourself seriously. Irreverent, nerdy, soulful, goofy.
Off we go!
I’m on a 7-week book tour 🫠 across the USA, and I’m taking you with me: 20 cities, 40 events, each one different. I’ll be in conversation with all sorts of fantastic folks, talking climate and policy and politics and culture. And I’ll be sharing the best bits of that here.
When Rolling Stone said they wanted to announce my book tour (🤯), listing all the stops like we’re a rock band (😵), I thought, “maybe I should record and share this somehow....” As the reporter described it, “Ayana E. Johnson, Jason Sudeikis, Roy Wood Jr. Are Throwing a Climate Party”:
...for a project this unconventional, it called for a book tour that was just as multifaceted, entertaining, and action-focused in its call to address the climate crisis. On Sept. 17, the Climate Variety Show — produced by Jenisha Shrestha and written by Brad Einstein — will launch Johnson’s trek that will run until Oct. 26 and stop in 13 states and 19 cities across America.* The event will take place at the Brooklyn Museum in New York and be co-hosted by Johnson and actor Jason Sudeikis, while also packing in musical performances, comedy skits, poetry readings, and yes, Dance Dance Revolution.
*Note: I’ve since added a stop. What’s good, Detroit?!
Alright, are you with me? Let’s do this!
EPISODE 1 – ✨ CLIMATE VARIETY SHOW ✨
Hope you’ll enjoy these excerpts from the book launch. 🕺🏽 Transcript is below.
I’m on the road, so please forgive the audio quality – will have a proper mic 🎙️ for episode 2!
Taking the show on the road – next up, LA!
Los Angeles homies, we are bringing the show to the west coast TOMORROW, Sept 28th @ 7:30p. Jason and I will be co-hosting again, with a new cast of talented friends at Dynasty Typewriter. There are a few seats left – snag tickets 🎟️ here. And if you’re not in LA, catch the livestream 📺 here.
TRANSCRIPT:
This content was originally created for audio and the transcript has been edited for clarity. Please note that some elements (i.e. music, sound effects, tone) are harder to translate to text.
Ayana: Hi, this is Dr. Ayana Elizabeth Johnson, and I am so excited to be coming to you with some pretty big news. Last week, I published my new book, What If We Get It Right? Visions of Climate Futures. And since then, I've been seeing so many of you as I start my book tour, which is going to be going to 20 cities in the next five weeks, all across the U.S. And I'll be having conversations with climate experts and culture shapers, and so many people who are helping me and all of us see answers to this big question: what if we get it right? So I thought, why don't I record those conversations and share them with you? So here we are on this first episode of What If We Get It Right, the podcast.
And the thing I want to do with this podcast, the vibe that I want to set for you is that we should take climate change seriously, of course, but absolutely not take ourselves seriously. So for this very first episode, I'm going to share with you what happened at my book launch, which was a completely goofy and ridiculous climate variety show.
Mamoudou N’Diaye: I would like to welcome you to the hottest variety show on the planet that just keeps getting hotter, alright? Let's kick things off right tonight with a musical number from New York City's very own Hila the Earth!
Ayana: This whole tour kicked off in my hometown, Brooklyn, New York, in a packed theater at the Brooklyn Museum, and I have to say, the vibe was immaculate.
[Hila the Earth singing Earth Gone Give It to Ya]
Ayana: For those who weren't there in person and didn't catch the live stream, I just have to share these clips.
Jason Sudeikis: Give it up one more time for Hila the Earth! Yes! This right here, if you don't know, is Dr. Ayana Elizabeth Johnson.
Ayana: This is Jason Sudeikis. And welcome to the What If We Get It Right…
Ayana and Jason: Climate Variety Show!
Jason: That's right. That's it. That's right. You guys ready to have some fun tonight? Good. Ditto.
Ayana: This is a celebration of climate possibilities. We are here to welcome you into climate solutions.
Jason: That's right. And you couldn't be in better hands tonight, cause, I mean, right here, as some of you may already know this woman literally wrote the book on how to do this. Okay? Uh, and we're talking again. Yeah, absolutely, give it up.
Marine biologist. Policy expert. I just wanna make sure I get it all. Professor. Teaches this shit. Alright? And look, if we do our jobs well tonight, future best selling author. Alright?
Ayana: And of course, you know Jason Sudeikis from acting stuff.
Jason: Thank you. It's alright. I'm just grateful to be up here, you know, maybe balance out my karma for being a guy who, you know, has his Trader Joe's reusable shopping bag that actually houses a bunch of other reusable Trader Joe's shopping bags that I always forget to bring when I go shopping at Trader Joe's.
Ayana: Okay, well, on behalf of Earth, thank you for your service? I guess?
Jason: Oh, you're welcome.
Ayana: Though I’m pretty sure we can all do more to pitch in and ensure we have the best possible climate future. But tonight is primarily for laughs.
Jason: That's right.
Ayana: A little bit of goofiness.
Jason: No.
Ayana: Maybe some jokes.
Jason: Yep, yep, absolutely. And look, while I take responsibility for helping the Earth, I do not take responsibility for you guys laughing. That's up to you.
Ayana: Alright, totally fair.
Jason: But we do have a great show for you tonight. And for anyone watching on the live stream out there, you know, congratulations on having the internet and keeping up on your bills. Congrats. We got comedy tonight. We got some magic. We got some poetry. We got music. We have the music of magic. The poetry of music, the music of magic, magical poetry, everything in between.
Ayana: We also have experts.
Jason: Experts!
Ayana: Who I interviewed in the book and who are going to come through and share their favorite climate possibilities with us. These are the people who helped me to answer this huge question: what if we get it right?
Jason: Yeah, exactly. Very interesting, thoughtful, forward-leaning question. Because look, I appreciate that question so much because as I've found in my 48 years, that humans can sometimes be, um, what's the Latin phrase? Pretty shitty, right? And look, not only to each other, sometimes to themselves, but very often to the Earth itself. Honestly, I'm pretty worried about the direction things are headed. As much as I enjoyed watching the film Dune, it's something I liked watching. I didn't want to live there.
Ayana: There is cause for concern, and it's super important to remember that we basically have the climate solutions we need. That's like the open secret. We just need to actually do them, like super, super quickly.
Jason: Yeah. We got to put the pedal to the fucking metal people.
Ayana: The show kicked off with an incredibly high stakes game show, Earth versus Mars, a battle to determine which planet is the best planet. This game was hosted by Roy Wood Jr. And we had Dr. Kate Marvel, NASA climate scientist, representing Earth. And comedian Wyatt Cenac, repping Mars.
Roy Wood Jr.: Dr. Marvel, I will start with you. Make the argument for us staying on Earth and not gentrifying Mars based solely on Earth's supply of food and water. Drama music.
Kate Marvel: We have both of those things.
Wyatt Cenac: Sure, sure.
Kate: I rest my case.
Wyatt: Alright. That is a fair point. There is no food or water on Mars at the moment, but Elon Musk, our great leader who is going to colonize Mars.
Roy: Yes, all praise the great leader.
Wyatt: Yes, I'll praise the chief twit.
[Buzzer sound]
Roy: Shit, you didn't even finish your point. You already lost.
Wyatt: So two things. Elon has said that we will be able to, we'll have to kind of create our own animals. Like we'll have to sort of, you know, genetically modify and engineer animals. So if you love chicken, we can make like weird super chickens. Like, if you love chicken and steak, we could make like a cow chicken thing. And you could have that.
Roy: And you could have that with the vegetables -did you see Matt Damon in The Martian where he was growing the potatoes in his own shit?
Wyatt: Here's the other thing about that. So you start growing stuff because in Mars, you know, the air is not really great right now, so you're gonna have to be in a dome. And apparently, and this is true, all the produce that you would have to grow in those domes, the amount of oxygen you would produce is so much that it's harmful to humans. So it would just kill you.
Roy: Okay, Dr. Marvel, you won.
Ayana: All we need to say about that, to borrow a line from Kate Marvel herself, Earth is the best planet.
Kate: I can say from a NASA perspective, we have found 5000 planets outside our solar system, and none of them is as good as this one. So, Team Earth! Go Earth!
Roy: I've been Roy Wood Jr. This has been Earth vs. Mars. Wyatt, you're clear to stay on Earth, even though you're a damn traitor. Good night!
Ayana: Then there were magic tricks by the incredible Nicole Cardoza, and audio is just not going to do that justice.
Nicole Cardoza: I see flowers, maybe a sunflower, growing tall next to a fence. There’s a little bit of concrete, this feels like a garden but is a particular one. Did you see a community garden, is that the word that you saw in this book?
Audience member: It was.
Nicole: It is! Give it up for Crystal.
Ayana: To keep the magic going, we had musical guests, the Oshima Brothers, Sean and Jamie from the Micaost of Maine came to sing Love Is Tall.
[The Oshima Brothers singing Love Is Tall live]
Ayana: That song, and about 50 others, are featured on my Anti-Apocalypse Mixtape, which you can find inside the back cover of the book, and we'll make sure to drop a link for you.
Ayana: I mean, the sweetest, no? Some wholesome Midcoast Maine shit right there. Can't get enough of that.
Jason: A beautiful rumination on love. And as we all know, or at least many of us do, love and sex can often go hand in hand. As well as other places.
Ayana: That's also true, yeah. So, I think we should discover more about how climate change is affecting the sweet sex lives of the species we share this planet with.
Jason: Mmm.
Ayana: Please welcome to the stage, Perrin Ireland, with some thirsty science.
Ayana: Since you can't see it, it's important to know that artist Perrin Ireland is hula hooping right now, with a straight face, as she says this:
Perrin Ireland: When a lady lobster is interested in a male lobster for reproductive purposes, she lingers outside his den and urinates all over her, out of her face. If he's interested in the pheromones, she's producing. She invites him inside. She sheds her exoskeleton, offers him her tender flesh. He clambers atop her, inseminates her, and they go their merry separate ways.
But the Gulf of Maine where these lobsters live is warming 99 percent faster than most of the world's oceans now, isn't it? So Brooklyn, how do you expect lobsters to find love when lady lobsters are in deep channels further and further off the coast, and male lobsters are staying in the Gulf of Maine? How shall this sacred ancient rite of the golden shower persist in a warming world?
Speaking of warming waters, albatross are long lived seabirds, 60 to 70 year lifespan, and they spend their winters foraging in thousand mile flights before returning to their native nesting site at which they were born.
They reunite there with their high school sweetheart, with whom they spend a lifetime. The typical albatross divorce rate is about 1 to 3 percent. However, when the ocean surface temperature is warming, female albatross initiate divorce at unprecedented levels of 7 to 8 percent. She flies back hungry, angry, lonely, and tired.
After a long winter of finding insufficient food at sea, she moves in with Bob, the fucking neighbor, and leaves her man alone. She honestly goes on to like a fruitful, wonderful rest of her life with her new partner. However, her ex goes back each year and maintains that nest, waiting for her, and he often dies alone.
I'm forced to notice that the same monogamous family units that so celebrate this monogamy half a world away, tend to be the same family structures in the global north that produce the very emissions that force these separations. So you go home and look inside at how your sex lives are intertwined with albatross tonight, Brooklyn.
So that's a whole lot of warming water, isn't it? And what about when there's not enough water? How can we expect African elephants to effectively erect and artfully insert their 50 pound penises in the conditions of chronic drought that we've created for them. Ayana writes about a love of nature and she references Rachel Carson's quote, that contemplating the beauty of nature, which I would argue should include 50 pound dicks, but that's my words, not Rachel Carson's, that contemplating the beauty of nature allows us to access reserves of strength that can endure as long as life lasts. And when I think of endurance and strength, in the animal queendom, I contemplate the tiny Australian marsupial, the antechinus.
All female antechinus go into estrus the same two weeks of every breeding season each year. And all the males in the area will engage them in 12 to 14 hour bouts of sex. Hear me when I say, every single male antechinus will be dead at the end of these two weeks having shagged himself rotten.
Ayana and I agreed we want you to leave here tonight more generous lovers of hot Mother Earth. She's too hot right now. Address climate change so that these species can fuck in peace. Scurry home to your little soulmate and make climate solutions your safe word. Or, roll up your sleeves and rub one out for nature. Ayana says nature first, and I heartily agree. But I offer the friendly amendment, may nature always come first.
Ayana: Okay, so maybe we should just run with that. I mean, Perrin has a point, right?
Jason: Oh yeah.
Ayana: We need to be making climate solutions sexier.
Jason: Mm hmm.
Ayana: Am I right, Jason?
Jason: I would agree, yeah.
Ayana: You're an actor. Maybe you could help us with this. Can you give it a shot, like sex up some climate solutions, you know, inspire us?
Jason: In the spirit of improv, yes and.
Ayana: We appreciate your service.
Jason: Ah, service. Okay, let's see, do you have a solution, what's one of your faves?
Ayana: Let's go with heat pumps, you know? I feel like they need a little more, you know? They don't get enough love. They can heat and cool buildings without fossil fuels. They're extremely energy efficient. They're a very technical kind of a thing, but they have enormous potential for reducing our reliance on fossil fuels.
Jason: Yeah. 50 pounds worth of potential?
Ayana: I mean, you know.
Jason: Okay. Alright. Sure, what the hell. DJ Mamoudou, do you mind setting a vibe for me?
Mamadou: Yeah, sure. Uh….
[Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get It On intro music]
Jason: Hey girl. And by girl, I mean recently retrofitted Brooklyn brownstone. You're looking pretty chilly, baby. Despite the energy saving windows that I can see right through. What do you say we utilize some solar generated electricity to heat things up? Let me just flip this switch and we'll get to pumpin’. Pumpin’. Pumpin’.
Ayana: Alright, I mean, maybe that’s enough….
Ayana: Yeah, so that had me cringing and squirming. And it seemed like the right time to bring out a professional, right? Supermodel and activist Cameron Russell came on the stage to model climate solutions.
Strutting the stage with her best runway walk while wearing a cardboard box heat pump costume.
[Runway music plays…]
Cameron Russell: Heat pumps are so in right now. I was nervous someone else was going to wear this same look tonight. So far, so good.
Nothing actually looks as good as renewable energy feels. And listen, you should know that…everybody actually does know…sustainable fisheries, community- owned fisheries, regenerative ocean agriculture, loss and damage funds, community development grants, high speed trains, efficiency, water efficiency, ummm…these are all the new black, okay?
And ultimately, fashions fade, but down ballot climate candidate victories last a term.
Nothing says iconic like averting climate collapse. Thank you.
Ayana: The audio doesn't really do that skit justice.
Ayana: Now that, now that is modeling solutions.
Jason: Absolutely. Cameron Russell, everybody.
Ayana: After that very serious fashion show, we all got out our pencils and paper and filled in our climate action Venn diagrams. A lot of you have probably heard me talk about this before. This three circle Venn diagram that includes one: what are you good at? What are your skills, resources, and networks? What can you specifically bring to the table? Two: what is the work that needs doing? Which climate and justice solutions do you want to contribute to? And the third circle is: what brings you joy or satisfaction and delight?
It's really important to choose work that energizes us. So we don't burn out because the truth is implementing climate solutions. This is the work of our lifetimes.
Ayana: I think it's sometimes important to say out loud what we're committing to, just for ourselves to make it feel real. Kind of like a vow or a promise.
Jason: Like a blood oath.
Ayana: Like a regular oath?
Jason: Yeah. Okay. I mean, less bloody, less fun, but yeah.
Ayana: But still important. So, for instance, in the interviews in this book, a lot of people brought up the concept of “do no harm”, right? The original Hippocratic Oath for doctors. And said, we need something like that now, for all of us professionally, in this climate crisis context.
And so, my friend Oana Stanescu and I, architect, philosopher, lovely human being, decided to write our own version of what a climate oath could be.
Jason: So like a pinky swear for, uh, not hurting the planet.
Ayana: Yeah, basically.
Jason: Great. I have two kids, so, pinky swears. Got it. Down.
Ayana: So this oath is on page 421 of your book.
Jason: Ah, one page off.
Ayana: But I was thinking maybe we could just…I was thinking maybe we could just…
Jason: Busted.
Ayana: Can we get a vibe check?
Jason: Insane in the membrane.
Ayana: Um, okay.
Jason: It was a weed joke. You said 421.
Ayana: Oh my god.
Jason: Yeah, there you are. Yeah, we got her. We got her. 421, one off.
Ayana: Okay, alright, I'm sorry you guys. I'm trying to like, we've got a lot of cards, you know, this is not actually my job…
Jason: Yeah, yeah. And we did not rehearse that part. That's not on the cards.
Ayana: I was like, I know, I'll just have a book launch, and instead…
[Buzzer sound]
Mamoudou: I just wanted to check the vibe real quick. Feels like we got a little discombobulated on the weed joke.
Jason: Yeah.
Mamoudou: Cool.
Jason: I feel great.
Mamoudou: Great, cool. Just checking.
Ayana: Yeah. And it's not my fault that, like, instead of reading my book aloud in bookstores across the country, I was like, you know what would be really fun? You know what I have absolutely no qualifications for? Producing and co-hosting a climate fucking variety show.
Jason: I think you're pulling it off.
Ayana: So you guys are all going to humor me. And we are going to commit this oath together. Yeah?
Jason: Yeah. Let's do it. Now, I know some of you might be thinking right now, Oh, this seems a little culty. And let me just start off by saying, yes, you're right, it is. But also let me say this. No, it's not. It's not that culty. There's real cults out there. That's not this. So we're just gonna shut up and all do it.
Ayana: But also not shut up and like, repeat after us. Okay, ready? First, move from I to we.
Crowd: Move from I to we.
Jason: Second, do no harm.
Crowd: Do no harm.
Ayana: Third, less is more.
Crowd: Less is more.
Jason: Finally, possibility exists.
Crowd: Possibility exists.
Ayana: I will be part of getting it right.
Crowd: I will be part of getting it right.
Ayana: We will be part of getting it right.
Crowd: We will be part of getting it right.
Jason: See? Not culty. Not at all. Not at all.
Ayana: Okay. But very earnest, which is maybe even less popular than culty.
Jason: Yeah, there's no documentaries on Netflix about people being earnest.
Ayana: Yeah, no. Okay so, pinky swear.
Jason: Pinky swear. Yeah, there it is.
Ayana: Great. Well, give yourselves a round of applause.
Jason: Yeah, let's go. There you are.
Ayana: Then we got into action. And I mean that in multiple senses of the word. We're talking about what to do next. It would be completely reckless of me to go on a book tour in September and October 2024 during this massive election and not talk about the importance of voting for candidates who get it on climate.
So we brought out Whit Jones, founder and executive director of Lead Locally, an organization that supports down ballot climate candidates.
Whit Jones: Thank you, Ayana. At Lead Locally, we support local climate champions who are running for local office to implement solutions. So that means city councilors who are investing in expanding public transit, public utility commissioners who are working to clean up the grid, and port commissioners who are running for mayor on a platform of the Blue New Deal.
Ayana: Yeah!
Whit: Aye, Ayana. And these local elections, they may seem small, but they have huge impact. And they are often decided by only a couple hundred votes.
Ayana: Okay, well, um, if you want to volunteer with these organizations, check out these QR codes. Sign up, think about how you can get involved.
Jason: And Whit, I actually had a question for you. Um, what is all this shit behind us?
Whit: Funny you asked. I feel like no variety show is complete without a little bit of dancing.
Ayana: Okay, alright.
Whit: And so tonight, I am excited to debut Lead Locally's new innovation in voter engagement, and it is called Dance Dance Revolution Climate Vote Style.
Jason: Alright.
Whit: I hung out in my basement and programmed these pads so that every time you step on it, it sends a text message to a voter reminding them of the significance of these upcoming elections and how important they are.
Ayana: I mean, could we just, like, take climate seriously without taking ourselves seriously?
Jason: Amen.
Whit: So, Jason, Ayana. Yes. What do you think about a dance off? A little friendly competition on who can text the most climate voters?
Ayana; What about an unfriendly competition?
Jason: Sure. Yeah. Okay, I am 100 percent down for this, but since it is going to be a competition, I would like an impartial judge. Is that possible, please?
Ayana: Do you feel like this is maybe more like my teammate than yours?
Jason: I feel a little bit like someone that we both know might be helpful.
Ayana: I feel like we could get maybe a referee from the audience. Someone who we're both friends with, maybe the person who introduced us. Maybe Amber Tamblyn?
Jason: Amber Tamblyn. Not using the stairs. Yes. Take that Cameron Russell.
Ayana: She's like, did someone say making climate solutions sexy?
Jason: Straight from Foot Locker.
Ayana: Okay, we've got a referee.
Amber Tamblyn: Hello, hi can you hear me? Um, I'd to thank CAA and UTA and everyone here tonight. I brought a whistle, because I feel like this is a really important dance off that I want to see between the two of you. This is going to impact so much. Get on your boards.
Ayana: The stakes are high.
Amber: Yep.
Ayana: I've actually, I've never done this before. I missed the rehearsal.
Jason: And I was here two hours early to practice.
Amber: We don't want any nonsense. We don't want any crazy bad dad moves. We don't want any ridiculousness. We want straight up good climate solution movements. If you can do them. If you can make them happen on the board. Let's get ready in three, two, one. Go.
[Get Busy by Sean Paul plays]
Amber: Okay let’s see. We got Jason moving slow. Oh it’s going good, real good. Ayana, you got it?One in the front, one in the back. You got it? Move those hips. Move those hips. I see these hips. Hello. I see these climate hips.
Ayana: It was very fun, and surprisingly hard. I had never played that before.
Amber: Come on, Jason. Put a little work in it. A little work in the side.
Whit, tell me, do we have a winner?
Jason: Why am I winded?
Ayana: I know, seriously.
Jason: What happened?
Ayana: I think we don't exercise enough.
Jason: Is that what it is?
Ayana: Yeah. Yeah, I think that's it.
Whit: I've consulted the scoreboard. Tonight, Ayana sent 105 text messages to voters. And Jason had some quick feet with 108.
Jason: Oh!
Ayana: Though I technically lost, I would argue that when we are texting voters to support down ballot climate candidates, really, everybody wins, right?
Anyway, soon we will be airing an entire episode on climate and the election and the importance of environmental voters, so we'll save all the nitty gritty for that conversation, which is coming to you soon.
Ayana: And that's our show!
Jason: That's it.
Ayana: All right, I'm off to the west coast because we are doing this whole thing again. Climate Variety Show Los Angeles edition on September 28th, Saturday.
Jason Sudeikis will again be co-hosting with me and we'll have a new crew of incredible performers and thinkers to entertain and delight you.
If you can't join us in person, tune in for the live stream. It's going to be a blast.
We'll share the link for that, and we'll be back in your ears next week. Stay tuned.
[Credits]
This episode was produced by Nora Saks and me, Ayana Elizabeth Johnson. As always, a huge thank you to Jenesha Shrestha, my chief of staff and producer for this wild book tour.
And thank you to the whole team that made this book and tour possible, especially the folks at One World Penguin Random House. That's it for now. See you soon.
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